As the anniversary of my text message break-up debacle approaches and I’ve had a year-ish to process and get over it, I’m still not totally enthusiastic about putting myself out there again. I haven’t had any new budding relationships over the past year- if I have, and you’re reading this, sorry, my memory isn’t what it used to be. I’m 98% sure there hasn’t been anyone except maybe 1 or 2 encounters with tea and puzzles.
Dating isn’t my favorite thing to do at all, I don’t enjoy meeting new people, I don’t like making small talk and I certainly don’t like having to talk about myself. I really don’t have anything interesting to talk about, or at least nothing I want to share with someone I just met and if I’m being honest I have very close to zero interest in pretty much everything anyone else has to say.
I know what you’re thinking- “Man this one is a real bitch, no wonder she’s single.” I’m not going to say you’re completely wrong. I know I contribute to my singledom and so far it’s worked for me because relationships are scary and I haven’t been interested in getting involved in someone else’s disfunction before I dealt with my own.
That’s not to say I avoid all social situations (just most)- I do meet people and I do date (sort of) but usually it doesn’t work out and I end up going home feeling like the entire outing was a waste of makeup and time that I won’t get back.
When you have kids (and regular communication from Netflix that they’ve added a show you might like, and they’re ALWAYS right) time is precious and you don’t want to spend those extra minutes with someone who isn’t worth it.
I also seem to have developed a “type” over the years and tend to attract the guys who are shall we say, insane?
They’re either pathalogical liars, have a legitimate mental illness (seriously, you never know until they go off their meds and threaten to kill you), require a green card or are just emotionally unavailable. The latter I can deal with but the others come with very specific requirements that I’m just not equipped or interested in dealing with.
It’s rare that I venture out with the same person more than once so the elusive individual who warrants a second meeting or a third, or (*gasp*) more, I would equate to finding a unicorn frolicking in a meadow filled with puppies and kittens.
Even this elusive diamond in the rough may not be all that he seems and we all live and learn but if you can spot some red flags high risk indicators and not ignore them you’ll stand a better chance of coming out of whatever it is you’ve gotten yourself into less damaged.
Here are 3 sure signs that he’s probably not as into you as he let’s on.
ONE
If you head out of town on vacation and text him from a super nice romantic type spot to tell him that it would be the perfect place for that outdoor rendezvous you both fantasized about and he says, “I’m sure you can find someone there for that.” Well that’s a pretty quick change in tune, but if that’s the way you feel, okie dokie then. This is the first red flag- if he was totally into you before you left but now seems to want to put the brakes on and add some distance you should maybe think about cutting your losses and moving on.
TWO
He texts you to inform you that it’s hot out and it’s making him super horny. Then proceeds to ask if you want to come over. Hmmm…so it’s just about sex then. Definitely okay with me but probably a sign that it isn’t going to go much further. We are all adults though so if you’re into a purely physical relationship go for it- just make sure you protect yourself. If he’s that horny all the time odds are good just about anyone will do and you don’t want to end up with any reminders requiring antibiotics to erase.
THREE
You start spending more and more time together, you rarely go a day without texting and all of a sudden there’s radio silence. This is likely a ghosting in progress, if you think he’s worth a bit of a fight reach out and see what happens but don’t push it m. He probably just wasn’t thinking about you as much as he told you he was. If there’s no response from the other side or the communication doesn’t return to normal levels you’ve been kicked to the curb. Pull yourself together and move on, anyone with so little respect for you was never worth your time and is certainly not worth any over analyzing now. You didn’t do anything, the giant man child just isn’t emotionally mature enough to be honest and tell you face to face that he doesn’t want to see you anymore.
Don’t take any of these things personally, they aren’t a reflection on you. I have no idea why anyone would want to ghost another person. It seems cruel and can be especially heartbreaking when it happens after months of seemingly great moments together.
Shake it off and move on- he’s not the only guy in the world and you deserve better.
