Banksying: The Brutal New Dating Trend You Didn’t Know You’ve Already Survived

I used to think modern dating couldn’t possibly invent another soul-crushing trend. We’ve already survived ghosting(when they vanish like Casper but 10x less friendly), breadcrumbing (when they give you just enough attention to keep you starving), floodlighting (when they suddenly spotlight you only to retreat back into the shadows), and whatever other bad behaviors TikTok has branded with cutesy little names to unite us all in shared misery.

But apparently, I’m ahead of the curve in dating trauma. Because, my friends, I was Banksy’d before it was cool. Or rather, before someone gave it a f-ing name.

Yes, Banksying—the latest hot mess trend in romance—isn’t some artsy date idea where your crush takes you to spray-paint a mural and sip overpriced natural wine. Oh no, it’s much darker. It’s when someone swoops into your life, makes an unforgettable, chaotic impression, and then vanishes into thin air like the anonymous artist themselves—leaving you standing there with emotional graffiti all over your heart, confused AF.

And let me tell you, it is brutal.

The Art of Banksying (and Why It Sucks)

When you’re Banksy’d, it starts off magical. They appear out of nowhere with witty texts, late-night confessions, and a little bit of that tortured artist energy (minus the talent). You think, Finally! Someone interesting who isn’t just sending me “wyd” at midnight!

But then? POOF. Gone. No explanation. No grand finale. Just a masterpiece of emotional chaos left behind for you to interpret while you rage-clean and swear on your wine rack that you will never, ever date again.

Until the next red flag shows up attached to a nice flag pole, of course.

My Personal Exhibit in the Museum of Bad Dating Trends

Let’s rewind to a little over a year ago. I was living my best single-girl life (read: over-caffeinated, overworked, and content spending my evenings with my cat and a good book). Enter: Him.

He came in hot. Daily messages (unlike any I’ve ever received before), spontaneous invites to go on romantic walks in the park, “I’ve never felt this way before” speeches that could’ve won him a Golden Globe. He was everywhere, all at once—like some indie-film fever dream.

And then, without warning, he did what only the most talented of emotionally unavailable men can do: he disappeared.

Like Banksy after tagging a wall. Only instead of street art, he left me with a mural of emotional confusion and a gaping hole where my previously cold dead heart had been.

Banksying vs. Ghosting: The Difference Matters

Now, you might be thinking, “Isn’t that just ghosting?” Oh, sweet summer child, no.

• Ghosting is lazy. It’s a slow fade, a silence that creeps in until one day you realize they’re gone.
• Banksying is performance art. It’s loud, it’s chaotic, it’s intense… and then it’s over, leaving you spiraling with the emotional equivalent of a spray-painted banana taped to your wall.

Trust me, it’s worse. AND it’s not exclusive to new relationships either, even the so called secure, healthy and long-term relationships are being affected. (Nothing is guaranteed friends.)

Why We Fall for It (Even Though We Know Better)

Because here’s the thing: Banksying feels different while it’s happening. The intensity tricks you into believing you’ve stumbled into some Nicholas Sparks plotline. Only, instead of a happy ending, you get unanswered questions, soul crushing self doubt and an obsessive need to re-read every message searching for clues, any clue, that this was coming and you were just so deep in dell that you didn’t see it. The clue won’t be there, but you’ll torture yourself for months reliving every single moment.

Can We Please Stop Naming This Stuff?

Part of me wants to say, “If we stop naming these toxic dating trends, maybe they’ll stop existing.” But let’s be real—we live in a world where people have turned being terrible at relationships into a TikTok side hustle. (Yes- I realize the irony, given I have turned my personal dating diary into a side hustle and one could argue that I am actually terrible at relationships.)

So yes, Banksying is a thing. Yes, I’ve survived it. And yes, I’ll probably still go on another date next week, because like a true masochist, I’m apparently collecting these trends like Pokémon cards.

Until then, I’ll be over here rage-cleaning, wine glass in hand, wondering when dating became less about connection and more about survival of the emotionally fittest.